DATE: APRIL 1
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PORT HURON, Mich. — Now that the clunky old Women’s History Month is out of the way, Blue Water Woman magazine has announced that it will shift gears and cover all men, all the time, in an effort to gain some traction in the community and increase readership.
“We all know that the world revolves around men, so we have decided, as the saying goes, ‘If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,'” said Patti Samar, editor and publisher of Blue Water Woman magazine.
In her first act as publisher of a men’s magazine, she is swapping out the traditional “Blue Water Woman of the Year Awards” to become the “Blue Water Men of the Year Awards.”
“We all know who really and truly runs the community,” she said with a wink and a nod.
She is therefore sort-of proud to introduce the very first Blue Water Men of the Year Award Recipients.
“As if anyone in the community will be surprised to read these names…again…” she said with a yawn:
–Eternally Retired Guy Who Dabbles in Every Single Community Partnership: Don Fletcher, retired hospital president
–Newly Retired Guy Who Dabbles in Almost Every Single Community Partnership, Except Those They Won’t Let Him Participate in Because He’s a Known Democrat: Chuck Kelly, retired attorney
–Washed Up Radio Guy Who Paid for an Education to Become a Teacher to Get Paid Even Less Than He Got Paid in Radio: Kevin Miller, superintendent of some school district where no one really understands what exactly they do there
–Guy Who Got Stuck Selling Mortgages Because He Attended a Little-Known University in the Upper Peninsula and No One Downstate Would Hire Him Because He Didn’t Party with Them at MSU Back in the Day: Hale Walker, owner of some not-very-visible mortgage company on some back road in Port Huron
–Only Guy Who Hails from Outside of St. Clair County to Ever Bust Into the St. Clair County “Inner Circle” With His Good Looks and Charm / Guy Who Also Dabbles in Every Single Community Partnership, Except Those They Won’t Let Him Participate in Because He Didn’t Actually Grow Up Here: Randy Maiers, president of some non-profit where nobody knows what, exactly it is he does, and self-declared King of St. Clair County
“These guys are not really that deserving of that much more recognition than they already actually get on a day-to-day basis, so it is not even necessary to hold an awards ceremony to honor them,” said Samar. “Their minions worship them on a daily basis already and nothing we could do could possibly top that…but hey, congrats to the chosen ones.”
And they all lived happily ever after. 😉
Thank you to the honorable men from our community, named above, who I am hoping all have a terrific sense of humor. All of them do so much good in our community. They ARE appreciated, even though, at Blue Water Woman, we always appreciate women just a little bit more. 😉